Dearest Netflix

I believe I have gotten one of my dearest friends very interested in my new favorite TV show.

Once Upon a Time.

I can’t miss this show!  Now mind you, the tele is off approximately 95% of the time or more, and I don’t have cable or satellite.  I just have an old school antenna mounted under the eaves.  Really, I can’t stand network television.  Especially the commercials.  How anyone can sit and watch the tele for hours on end is beyond me.  But every now and again I get to watch a good movie or get into a really good new show, and indulge for an hour or two a week.

My friend wasn’t aware of this new show and she decided to watch it for the first time last week when the network broadcast last year’s pilot episode just before the beginning of season two.

I cannot describe how elated I was to find that she too was quite taken with it.  Now I have another person with whom I can talk and discuss how much I love hating Regina (who ever cast her for the role of the Evil Queen needs a significant raise), how much I like Jiminy Cricket, and how I’m not the least bit happy that Graham was killed.

But my friend has a whole season to catch up on as the new season starts in two weeks or so.  She said she ordered some Once Upon a Time discs from Netflix but they haven’t arrived yet, which as you know is highly unacceptable.  So I took the liberty of sending an email to the CEO of Netflix on my friend’s behalf so she can catch up on season one before season two starts.

Dearest Mr. Hastings,

While I am sure you are busy with your CEO duties, I must make you aware of an urgent situation that merits your attention and warrants immediate action.

As you are most certainly aware, the new season of Once Upon a Time starts on September 30th, 2012.  Though I am late to the game it is essential that I catch up on season one before season two starts.

Apparently, the queue system developed by Netflix does not take this urgency into account as I have not yet received discs one and two.  A review of your algorithms are clearly in order and I will overlook this logistical inconsistency as long as I at least get disc one by Tuesday, Sept. 18th.

Given the split fees debacle you ushered in some months ago causing Netflix subscriptions to plummet and existing users to drop subscriptions faster than the Mars rover Curiosity’ decent, coupled with the fact that your stock prices fell further than James Cameron’s voyage to the Challenger Deep trough, I feel that it is in your and your company’s best interest to – at the very least, express mail me the first two discs of season one of Once Upon a Time.

I want to remain a loyal customer but as you know, there must be a beneficial two way relationship and for this to occur.  I do not believe I am asking much.  I have not asked for anything extraordinary until now and given the upcoming premier of season two, time is of the essence.

Should I not receive the first two discs of OUaT by Tuesday, you can expect another dropped subscription.  With that let me wish you well in your next employment endeavor.


Given the seriousness of the matter, I think that email was appropriate.  Not too harsh, but forceful.  Not too condescending, but factual.

As of today, not only has my friend not received the first two discs of season one but Mr. Hastings apparently has better things to do than focus on customer service or answer customer’s emails.  I find this shocking as do you I’m sure but nonetheless, the situation remains dire.

I do hope that the discs will be delivered tomorrow.  While it’s unlikely, I am the optimistic type.


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