The Beach – Part 4

Bow before me lesser beings. I am officially a surfer!

That’s right. I took my first surfing lesson last week. What a blast! I’m hooked. I’m absolutely hooked. I had the best time, surfing! Lesley from Saltwater Cowgirls ( gave me my first lesson. I stood up three times – sort of, fell a bunch more (twice it really hurt) and I have my next lesson on Monday. I can’t hardly wait.

The night before I took my first lesson I did my due diligence. I watched Endless Summer. I looked stuff up on the on-line surfer dictionary. I listened to a bunch of Dick Dale records and watched YouTube videos on how to surf. I was prepared. I was ready.

A few words about surfing. One, waves look three times as big when you’re directly below them. Two, trying to control a ten foot long board and at the same time avoid getting pummeled by waves was nothing short of terrifying and near impossible. Three, the first time I caught a wave I found it to be an amazing feeling. Four, water looks nice and cushy until you land on it wrong. Then it magically transforms into granite.

The good news is that I didn’t get water up my nose, I didn’t get hurt and I didn’t get bit by anything other than the surfing bug. Did I mention I can’t wait for my next surfing lesson this coming Monday?

So, I’m walking the beach the other day and as I often do I’ll use my big toe to turn over interesting shells. I’ve got quite a shell collection so far. Some shells are red, white or black, some have usual shapes, some are big, some small – you get the picture. Shells are cool. I like shells.

So I’m walking and I see this really interesting shell. It looked different than the rest so I naturally was very curious. As usual I dug my toes into the sand and flipped it over, only to find it was a sand crab.

The little bugger bit me! It latched onto my index toe and held on. I couldn’t hardly believe it. And I’m sure if anyone saw me I was probably quite funny. Not only was I caught entirely by surprise but I did the funky freak-dance trying to shake it off my toe. I’m so glad it’s off-season.

It wasn’t excruciating but it was far from pleasant. After I shook the little guy off my toe – get this. He came after me! This little crab, say about the size table coaster, came after me. Talk about an attitude! That’s like me taking on the empire state building. That’s like Rhode Island picking a fight with Texas. Some battles are just not meant to be fought.

Then I thought that maybe the crab just had a really bad day. Or maybe he was a senior citizen crab and just plan cranky. Or maybe he was a gangster crab and had to get all in my face to prove his fearlessness to the rest of the crab gang. Or maybe he was connected with whatever it was that brushed my shin last week and the word was out I eat their kind when I get hungry. I was marked and somehow this crab knew it.

Note to y’all. If you ever see something partially buried in the sand that has spots rather than stripes or lines, it’s probably a sand crab. Proceed with caution.

Oh, ad I saw an alien at the beach yesterday. Check it out! After seeing this I am certain that H.R. Giger spent a whole lot of time at the beach.

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