Vitamins

After feeling a bit run down for a while I took the advice of one of my friends and decided to embark upon the vitamins journey.  I did this because I know that my diet is not well-balanced, I don’t eat enough veggies and I still eat too much frankenfood.  So after having a long discussion with my friend and doing a bit of research I decided to start off by taking some vitamins, daily.

After having done that for a few weeks, here are my thoughts on the matter.

Apparently, the people who make vitamins have never actually studied human anatomy.  Or they have and they’re just a bunch of sadists.  And I’m certain the makers of vitamins don’t actually take vitamins because if they did they wouldn’t make pills the size of avocados.  Do they have to be that large?   Really?  What – you can’t make smaller vitamins and have us take a few more?

And what’s with that smell?!  How can something that’s supposed to be good for you smell so bad?

Do the people who make vitamins, are they the same people who make sulfur?  Ammonia?  Skunk spray?  Limburger cheese?  Do these folks work with the military to create non-lethal olfactory weapons?  Are you telling me that it never occurred to anyone to add some essential oils or other aromatic substance to the vitamins to curb that malodorous smell just a tad?  I really don’t think that’s asking a whole lot.  I’d pay a few bucks more for vitamins without that noxious odor.

I’ve even tried holding the bottle with my arms fully extended and then removing the cap but alas, the stench is still too great.  So much so that they’re almost not worth taking. But I’ve found a solution to avoid that fetid vitamin smell and so far it’s working pretty well.

I bought a pro series, high performance 42” belt driven, two-speed, 1/2 HP industrial fan with a spin rate of about 450 rpm.  Just before it’s time to take my vitamins I turn the fan on high and stand with either my left or right side directly in front of it.  Then I open the bottle, grab a few vitamins, and quickly pop them in my mouth followed by a big gulp of coconut – pineapple juice and swallow.  Voila!  No more smell.  My electric bill has increased ever so slightly due to the fan but it’s a small price that I am very willing to pay.

Regardless of the mortal danger I am in trying to swallow Jurassic vitamins I have to say that for me these seemed to have helped me feel a bit better. It’s not like I’m a whole new me as I had hoped but I am tad less tired.

So as long as the fan runs well, viva la vitamins!

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